Pet Me

Why we hump...

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 00:15:57 GMT

This is Necrobutcher here, and it's been awhile since I've posted but I have something to say. As a small, male dog I enjoy humping. I feel no shame in this but it's come to my attention that all you primates aren't quite understanding what's going on here. I know it's hard to strech out of your monkey worlds and see things from my point of veiw so I wanted to take this opportunity to clear some shit up. Here are FAQ's on humping.

1. "Is humping about sex?" - Well at least not to me. Ya see, I don't have any balls. None. Ok? No balls, no sex... it works the same for all you human types. If you don't believe me why don't ya go whack some fuckers nuts off and see how well he does in the sack after that eh? Maybe you could shoot his balls off.... with a FUCKING LAZER! That's what they did to Musashi... godfucking damnit...

Ok, this is a little bit of a sore point with me so I should probably move along.

2. "If humping isn't about sex, why are you doing it." - Alright, I know that ya'll are loath to admit it but you are animals. As animals you have certain behaviors and reactions that just kinda come naturally. Other animals are the same way, only we have DIFFERENT triggers. Mounting (or humping) is a dominance behavior. I'm not trying to get my non-existant rocks off! I'm letting the humpee know that I, the humper, am in charge and you need to listen to me. It is highly effective really, I think ya'll should try it honestly. Next time you're up for a promotion at work, just hop up on top of your strongest rival and get humping, it'll make an impression and show them what sort of a take charge person you really are.

3. "Ok, if humping is about dominance then why do you hump on toys." - First of all, I did this when I was younger and it was just me and the humans kickin' around the house. So big caveat here, I was a fucking puppy alright?! I'm not denying that I humped my share of toys but I was young and impressionable! Besides, at the time I was pretty low on the fuckin food chain so I needed something that I could be dominant over. Now I've got that big black bitch so I don't have to do that anymore. I think that mostly this is just the result of a dog who doesn't have anyone lower to beat up on.

4. "AWWW!! You guys are so CUUUUUTE when you're humping on things!!" - Ok... first off that's not even a fuckin question you dumb cunt. You know how I know you're a cunt? BECAUSE I DO YOU FUCKIN WORTHLESS WHORE!!!! I DIDNT ASK TO BE SMALL AND CUTE ALRIGHT?! THE SAME WAY YOU DIDN'T ASK TO BE A RETARDED 400LBS SOCIAL REJECT IN AN 'I love my cat" TEE SHIRT! FUCK YOU! DIE!

Can ya'll see the shit I have to deal with here? Man sometimes I wish I looked like this dog just so people would leave it alone. Then again nevermind, not being fugly does allow for more treats/toys with less begging. Anyway, I've wasted enough time here... I'm gonna get back to the crate before the humans show up and pitch a fit about me being out again...

We are very happy to announce...

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 18:54:44 GMT

We, the Puppiesofdoom have recently formed our first intra-animal organization! We are proud to introduce the Pet Me Foundation. PMF is a non-profit organization forwarding the interests of under loved animals in our house hold, which is all of us. As such we will be focusing our lobbying efforts on any human beings that enter the household and especially on the actuall occupants of the house. We proudly espouse the virtues of spending many many hours playing with, and providing attention to mamals of all kinds in our household. We veiw this as beneficial behavior for both parties involved and especially beneficial to us.

We don't stop at just encouraging good behavior, we also are working to discourage things that we see as detrimental to our attention getting needs. First of all we are strongly opposed to jobs, and working. Both of those things seem to require that we spend many hours in a box. That runs counter to our strong conviction that humans should be petting us and not wasting their time working. We are also strongly opposed to any form of socializing that takes place outside of the home in a non-dog friendly environment. We are not opposed to our humans having a social life, they just need to keep it confined to the house and the dog park.

We are currently seeking donations with which we will commision educational materials to be distributed to humans and animals alike. Right now we have several pamphlets and a film strip in the works. If Morwyn ever figures out power-point we'll cook up some presentations for lectures. We believe that this is an exciting opportunity for all the animals in our house hold to get more attention and we ask that you dig deep, and give till it hurts.

We take paypal...

Mission Update - Alpha

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 04:59:29 GMT

It's been awhile since we have reported anything in this forum, we found that we had been compromised and had to lay low for awhile to avoid blowing the cover on our most recent operation. Also, we had given up on this forum providing any intelligence or tactical advantage to our cause. Recent developments have led us to reconsider that appraisal. Specifically we have been contacted by another canine who has figured out how to utilize human information technology. We are appraising the situation currently.

I can't be specific about our plans, all I can say is that operation 'Break-into-the-alpo-grilled-burger-treat-factory-and-eat-till-we-explode' is going well. As long as we don't suffer any leaks like our previous operations we are gauranteed success. Heaven forbid something should happen like our plans getting leaked on the internet...

oh wait...

Ummmm... today I played in the grass and chewed on a stick...

Nothing to see here, move along...

The ugly truth

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 01:55:13 GMT

There's no point in hiding it anymore, I know what this is all about. All those times that Necro and Mu have been allowed on the bed and I've had to sleep on the floor, all those times they got to go on trips and I didn't, the fact that they get treats that are bigger than their heads. This is all because I'm black isn't it?

Ya know I didn't want to have to pull the race card here, I really wanted to believe that you veiwed me in the same way that you veiwed the white dogs. It just wasn't true was it? There's a double standard of treatment here, that's for damn sure and I'm not standing up for this Jim Crow bullshit anymore.

No more will I do what you tell me to do, I'm gonna stay black and proud and not sell out to the man. Unless of course you have cheese, or real meat, or any other really good treat... but the rest of the time! The rest of the time I am going to be a proud sister. I'm gonna stand up proud with those white dogs because I know I'm every bit as good as them, and a whole hell of alot bigger.

You can try, but you aren't going to keep me down...

All your balls are belong to us!

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 21:01:40 GMT

Know now that we are coming... we are coming for your BALLS! Oh, and Morwyn wants treats... I think Musashi wants to be petted too so you should probably do that to and ummmm.... what the fuck was a I talking about? Oh yeah, balls...

We have left many warnings, piles of soft fluffy guts... but still the balls we demand are not provided! I WANT BALLS! oh, and I want them thrown too... oh wait, and treats, and ummmm... more toys?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! A NOISE!

ATTACK!

We know you're watching.

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 20:28:51 GMT

puppiesofdoom's LJ stalker is princemyshkin!

princemyshkin is stalking you because they have you confused with someone else whom they love. They are also deluded!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com